As beloved children of God, many of us in recovery are learning how to rebuild the sacred relationship we were meant to have with ourselves—one grounded in love, gentleness, and safety. For those of us familiar with Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional...
The phone rang. I was 23 years old and hadn’t heard from my friend Sara in five years. We grew up together. “What have you been up to?” Sara asked. “Well, I’ve had a life-changing experience and I’ve become a born-again Christian!” I exclaimed, waiting for the usual...
Saint John Henry Newman’s distinction between notional and real knowledge offers profound insights for the journey of recovery as an adult child of a dysfunctional home. Recovery, much like Newman’s view of the Christian life, involves moving from a theoretical...
For members of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), part of our solution for healing is to become our own loving parents. We do this through 12-step work and by taking a blameless inventory of our caregivers to recognize the wounds that we received from them so that we...
When I first started attending secular 12-step meetings for the loved ones of lust addicts, I noticed that the facilitator of each meeting made sure to read information about the Seventh Tradition, which usually sounded something like this: “Our Seventh Tradition...
“Lord, please don’t let me lose my love for my husband,” I would pray. After years of living with a man with active alcoholism, I felt anything but loving. In fact, I was often in despair, full of fear, grief, and resentment, and on my knees with this prayer on my...
It was an argument over a grocery order. My husband and I were in the early days of my discovering his lust-driven secret life. Because he did not choose to disclose to me all of his deception at once—a concept called “trickle truth”—it seemed that every time I turned...
As I entered my first meeting for family and friends of lust addicts, I looked around the room and studied the faces there, wondering if they would understand. After all, I had a secret in addition to how lust addiction was affecting my marriage, but it was such a...
The holiday season, often synonymous with family gatherings, can evoke a mix of joy and suffering for adult children of dysfunction. Past wounds may resurface, and triggers linked to family dynamics might cast shadows over the festivities. Below are a few key...
We still hadn’t even finished writing out the thank you notes for the wedding gifts when the effects of my husband’s lust addiction first hit hard. We had been married for less than three months. It was a rainy Friday night, and I’d made it home from work first. I’d...