The following is an excerpt from The Recovery Rosary, a book offering 20 personalized meditations (one for each mystery of the Rosary) covering a variety of addictions, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, lust-related addictions, compulsive/disordered eating behaviors, being a loved one of an addict, and more.
I can only imagine what Jesus must have experienced after he was baptized, the heavens were opened, and the Spirit of God descended upon him. It must have been a profound spiritual experience for Jesus. When I became sober on July 19, 2020, I too felt the Spirit of God descend upon me. This is not something that I can easily put into words. For me, it was a feeling of being connected to God. It was a feeling of knowing God is always with me—that I am not alone. It was a feeling of relief knowing that God is in control. To this day, there is still an entire committee of voices in my head, but now God is the head of that committee, so to speak. What a relief to know that God will comfort me, give me strength and peace if only I submit to him. I recognize now that I always had this gift of faith before me, but I had to choose it. God was always holding this gift out to me, waiting patiently for me to ask for and receive his Spirit, just like Jesus did in this mystery. Jesus models for us the perfect and constant acceptance of God’s Spirit.
When I was in the midst of my addiction to alcoholism and life presented challenges, my fears would take over and I would get angry at God. My doubts, despair, and defeat made me turn my back on him. I turned to the darkness of my addiction rather than the light that only God can provide. I was hopeless, dying a spiritual death. And this spiritual death brought me to a crossroads where I ultimately had to choose the path of darkness or the path of light. I couldn’t grasp surrendering to God’s will until I was completely hopeless and had no choice but to rely on God—I had hit my rock bottom. I finally accepted the gift of my faith, asked God for help, and completely surrendered. Through this surrender, I was reborn into a new way of life.
Through both Baptism and recovery, we are all born into a new way of life. In this new life, we recognize our identity first and foremost as beloved children of God. We stop our self-seeking ways and become followers of Christ. We recognize that the Holy Spirit dwells within us, and our empty, dark, and hopeless souls suddenly gain light and hope. We gain new insight and learn to see things from God’s perspective. By regularly surrendering to God’s will, we receive the gift of sanctifying grace.
Read the entire meditation from Jana I. as well as 19 other meditations on each mystery of the Rosary by purchasing The Recovery Rosary and strengthen your spiritual life as a Catholic working the Twelve Steps of recovery or accompanying a loved one who is. For use by individuals or in small groups, this book can deepen your relationships with Jesus and Mary, helping you to draw strength from the Catholic tradition and 12-step recovery wisdom.
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