The first formal Step Four a recovering person makes can be likened to the preparation for a “general Confession” made by a Catholic who has returned to the Church after being away or been received into the Church for the first time. This in-depth and thorough examination of conscience—both by the recovering addict in Step Four and the returning/new Catholic—can be an exhaustive process that culminates in Step Five for the addict and the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the returning/new Catholic.
Both are singular events that only occasionally are repeated to such a depthful degree. Subsequent Step Four’s and Confessions require an examination of conscience but underlying weakness and character defects that can lead to repeated addictive behaviors and sins have, ideally, been identified in the initial and exhaustive process. In other words, subsequent Step Four’s and Confessions typically require less reflection and preparation time because the familiar temptations and transgressions are readily identified.
Progress in recovery and growth in Catholic spirituality both require ongoing monitoring of one’s thoughts, words, and deeds as well as an awareness of the underlying motives and/or character defects that drive them. Preparing for regular Confession, for example, requires accountability for addressing previously confessed sins and proclivities that one prays to receive the grace to avoid repeating. Similarly, the recovering addict must monitor the underlying precursors and character flaws that have led to addiction, slips, and/or relapses. Simply put, both the Catholic and the addict must “check in” with the self and God on a daily basis in order to avoid sin and addictive behaviors.
As Catholics in recovery, we are often “killing two birds with one stone” as we make a daily examination of conscience and daily inventory because the two are inextricably linked. There are various tools we can use to do this, including the 10 Commandments, the Beatitudes, and the “virtues and vices” list. Each has value and its place at various times in our spiritual lives.
The appeal of using the Beatitudes for a daily inventory is that they offer a balance of identifying sin and defect while acknowledging God’s grace in action and our progress toward wholeness and healing. Rather than a “do’s and don’ts” list, the Beatitudes bring fulfillment to the purpose of establishing spiritual “rules.” They compel us to desire the Good for its own sake rather than to focus on a checklist of things we must do and things we must avoid in order to remain free of sin and addiction.
The Beatitudes reveal the fullness of God’s love and mercy for us and draw us to Him through Jesus while also offering a practical way for the recovering addict to take personal inventory on a daily basis. The Beatitudes point us to a way of thinking that calls us to examine the manifestation of our character defects (i.e. proclivity toward sin) throughout our day and be accountable to ourselves, others, and God in addressing those transgressions as best we can.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
This Beatitude brings a message of compassion and hope to the addicted. As recovering people, we are acutely aware of the desperate state from which we have been delivered. This Beatitude calls us to examine whether we truly know that we cannot be or do good without God. It is a recognition that if left to our own devices we will inevitably give in to our own particular vices!
What might failing to live out this Beatitude look like in our daily lives and routines? Though different for each individual, perhaps it is a failure to reach out to another recovering person when faced with temptation but, instead, try to carry on alone with our struggle. God has gifted us with a 12-step fellowship to find Him in the company of our fellow addicts, yet we often neglect them, ourselves, and God by not reaching out to others with a phone call or text. How often throughout the day do we “go it alone,” thus denying our need for God and our fellows? “I got this” is not a 12-step slogan by any stretch!
“Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
This Beatitude points us toward gratitude and recognizing that God “has our backs” in times of loneliness and grief. The ability to recognize God in the midst of temptation, challenges, and losses that arise gives us an indication of our capacity for gratitude for what we do have rather than focusing on what is lacking. Mourning takes on many forms and includes the losses we suffer with regard to those we have alienated and harmed by our addiction and the ongoing price we pay for our past behaviors.
Trusting that God grieves with us and heals those we have harmed, including ourselves, demonstrates an acknowledgement of His loving and merciful nature. Dwelling in self-pity and “beating up” oneself over sin and character defects throughout the day precludes our ability to experience the healing that can come from accepting regrets and mourning losses. A daily inventory with this Beatitude might include making a daily gratitude list and offering a prayer of thanksgiving. The ability to see God’s goodness despite trying circumstances allows us to feel His compassion and presence.
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.”
This Beatitude points to the inner virtue of humility rather than an exterior characterized by a mild and agreeable personality. Jesus spoke confidently and boldly as a beloved Son of the Father and presented Himself with authority. Yet, He refers to Himself as “meek and humble of heart” and calls us to imitate Him in that fashion (Matthew 11:29). Jesus’ humility is evident in His continual deference to the Father and, of course, in His ultimate sacrifice on the Cross for our salvation.
In our daily walk, humility often surfaces as an option to choose over pride in the tiniest of thoughts, words, and actions. In our conversations with others, do we actively listen and remain present or are we waiting for them to finish so we can respond? When we encounter rudeness or unpleasant traits in others, do we avoid such people or do we accept them as they are and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not aware of their offense? Are we always in a hurry and driven by our busy schedules that we perceive as more important than the needs of others? Throughout the day, there are hundreds of ways the opportunity to choose humility over pride presents itself. Humility, like love, is not a character trait as much as it is a decision to think and behave in a way that gives deference to others. We don’t have to “feel” it in order to do it, and we need not have a “meek” demeanor or personality in order to practice it.
In part two of this series, Mark L. details how the remaining Beatitudes can help us in our recovery and spiritual lives.
Mark L. is a recovering alcoholic and sex and love addict. He lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and started a CIR General Recovery meeting at St. Joseph Parish in Downingtown, Pennsylvania. He has a particular devotion to St. Mark Ji Tianxiang, martyr and opioid addict.