Harry’s grandmother died of alcoholism in her 30s and his grandfather, on the other side, drank a fifth before noon every day. So, needless to say, alcoholism was deeply embedded in Harry’s Scotch-Irish blood. When he turned 19 he began what would be a 20-year bout with the bottle.
“I drank every day and would sometimes use speed to keep drinking at night. I lived my life as a functioning alcoholic and just drank as soon I got off of work,” Harry said.
He got involved in motorcycle clubs in Ventura County, and even for some of the guys in those clubs he was seen as too extreme and a liability because of his drinking habits. Because of this, during his 30s he went through phases of becoming sober, collecting tokens here and there, but always relapsed. At least until one morning, when he was 39, which changed everything.
“I’m 5’8, but when I drink I think I’m 6’8, and so I kept getting beat up. And I got beat up at the Red Cove bar and woke up the next day and I looked at myself in the mirror and my face looked like a football,” Harry said. “I remember the color of the bathroom and I remember how I felt inside, how worn out I was, and I knew that I was going to die because I was drinking every morning.”
When Memory Isn’t Enough for Recovery
Yet, Harry knew this memory—as terrible and painful as it was—wasn’t enough to keep him from drinking. He would need something else.
“Even though I could remember that morning so well I knew that the memory wouldn’t be enough,” Harry said. “It wouldn’t be strong enough to prevent me from drinking.”
After that morning he went to a men’s recovery meeting and as he was walking in an older man said something to him he would never forget.
“This guy said to me, ‘Let me tell you something, you never have to drink again.’ And when I heard that it went into my brain and fell down into my gut and fit inside just right like a puzzle piece. And I started thinking that maybe there was a way out,” Harry said.
So Harry, after losing everything but his motorcycle—his wife had left him, he had poor health, and he was broke—decided to stay close to these men who had somehow found freedom from alcohol. These men were part of a clean and sober biker group, and he was so adamant about staying close to them that they gave him the nickname “Hang-around Harry.” It was at this time he started to work the steps and became heavily involved in recovery with those guys, making that night of the brawl at the Red Cove the last time that he has had a drop of alcohol.
Journeying Back to God
This would pretty much continue for about 23 years until he started to become interested in mindfulness and Buddhism and its relationship to recovery. He started going on retreats and even traveled to northern India on a pilgrimage. Yet, during one retreat he met a Buddhist monk who was also a Christian and former priest named Young Brother, and this would set him on a path of discovering a deeper relationship with God. While he had given his life over to a Higher Power previously during his working of the steps, he began to understand what this Higher Power was all about.
“I remember that Young Brother had talked about this priest named Fr. Richard Rohr, and so I started reading about him and that got me to read about the Catholic mystics. This just launched me into a deep journey for three years. My heart really opened up and I met Christ because of my meeting with Young Brother and I could let go of all of these stories that I had to be tough, or that I wasn’t smart or good enough. I was able to stand in this naked, humble fashion before God for the first time,” Harry said.
Rediscovering Catholicism
Harry heard about Catholic in Recovery meetings that were going on at St. Joseph’s Cathedral and started to attend.
“When I talked to Scott he welcomed me and I started to attend the meetings. After the third or fourth meeting, he told us that we were going to go upstairs for Reconciliation for the second part of the meeting,” Harry said. “I said, ‘Wow,’ and then went upstairs and saw the priest. And I go up there and I said, ‘Forgive me, Father, it has been 50 years since my last confession, and he just said to me, “Oh my!’” Harry said, laughing.
Harry would go on to find a spiritual director in another priest, one who was once an alcoholic and homeless but who was called by God to become a priest and has found tremendous healing. For Harry, life continues to become enriched by God as he continues this journey of discovery. He doesn’t hesitate to encourage others who need God’s grace as well, be that in a 12-step recovery program, a Catholic in Recovery meeting, or in the sacraments.
“There is a gift that is always available and that is the mercy of God. How great the mercy of God is,” Harry shared. “There is always a chair for us at a meeting and at the presence of God.”