In this episode of the Catholic in Recovery podcast, Scott Weeman and Father Sean Kilcawley return from a hiatus to discuss their recent activities, including Father Sean's travels and Scott's work with Catholic in Recovery amidst a challenging ice storm. The primary topic is Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) or Adult Children of Dysfunctional Family Systems, which they explore by discussing its history, the broadening scope of trauma, and how the resulting traits can be an "unrefined superpower." They examine the 14 "laundry list" traits of adult children and conclude with encouragement to seek help and community through resources like ACA/ACOA groups and Catholic in Recovery meetings.

• Join CIR+ to be part of a community committed to recovery and access resources to sustain you on your recovery journey, including CIR’s Pathway to Recovery—emailed support, encouragement, and resources for the first 90 days of recovery to keep you accountable to finding freedom during those first critical three months.
• Try a sample of CIR's Pathway to Recovery by signing up here.
• Take an assessment to see if you can benefit from CIR as someone struggling with an addiction or with a loved one or family member who is an addict.
• Check out all of CIR's books, including the Recovery Rosary, the Catholic in Recovery Workbook, and The Twelve Steps and the Sacraments.

I. Introduction

• Pre-roll Announcement and Call for Feedback: Scott Weeman offers a pre-roll note explaining that the video recording was lost for this valuable episode on Adult Children of Dysfunctional Family Systems (ACOA), and encourages listeners to submit questions or feedback to [email protected].
• Welcome Back: Scott Weeman and Father Sean Kilcawley welcome listeners back to the Catholic in Recovery podcast after a "month or two hiatus."
• Music Credits: Scott thanks IB Jacob (Bassanova) and Aisling Fuller for the intro and outro music.
• Opening Question: Scott asks Father Sean, "What is really going on?"

II. Personal Check-ins and Recent Events

• Father Sean Kilcawley's Update:
  • Shares he recently returned from a "pretty great" men's retreat in Dayton, Ohio, for a West Point classmate's parish.
  • Mentions his work in Chicago as adjunct faculty for the Institute for Priestly Formation Spiritual Direction Program.
  • Reflects on the grace of seeing his "one continuous story of my life," where people from different phases (Military Academy, seminary) intersected, and receiving the message "I knew you'd be here" at a tragic funeral in his home parish.
  • Discusses feeling "reflective" and "very tired," emphasizing the need for intentional time to let profound encounters set in and bring them to the Lord, especially since his is a ministry of "awakening something" in others.
• Scott Weeman's Update:
  • Notes they are only recording audio, not video, for the main episode.
  • Shares his experience of a severe ice storm in Nashville, which caused extensive damage, and his gratitude that his family was blessed not to lose power.
  • Discusses his work as Executive Director of Catholic in Recovery, balancing people-facing ministry with "administrative things," such as rebuilding the financial infrastructure.
  • Lists upcoming retreats and events: a women's retreat in Melbourne, PA; a men's and women's retreat in Oceanside, CA; a retreat in Wichita, KS; one-day retreats in NJ and Minneapolis; and a virtual summit with I thirst.
  • Mentions the growth of Catholic in Recovery (approx. 215 active groups) and building a support structure with regional representatives.
  • Expresses deep gratitude for sobriety, quality relationships, and the blessings received through 12-step recovery.

III. Discussion: Adult Children of Dysfunctional Family Systems (ACA/ACOA)

• Topic Introduction: Scott introduces the listener-requested topic: Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families.
• Overview and Background (Fr. Sean):
  • Explains the evolution of the group's name from ACOA to ACA to potentially "Adult Children of Dysfunctional Family Systems" because the traits are not isolated to alcoholism (e.g., workaholism, divorce).
  • Describes ACA traits as an "unrefined superpower" (e.g., hyper-vigilance turning into spiritual direction skill) that becomes a gift through healing.
• The Problem and the Solution (Scott):
  • Clarifies that the problem is the family system and childhood trauma, not alcohol, and that the "laundry list" is a description, not an indictment, of protective traits that become barriers to intimacy in adulthood.
  • Highlights that strengths can have a "shadow side" (e.g., achievement driven by need for approval).
  • Mentions the slightly different ACA 12 Steps and credits Tony A. as a key figure in framing the "laundry list."
• The 14 "Laundry List" Traits and Discussion: Scott reads the 14 traits, followed by discussion and examples:
  • Key traits discussed: Being approval seekers (people-pleasing/lying), being frightened by angry people/criticism (catastrophizing), having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility (distracting from one's own faults), getting guilt when standing up for oneself, addiction to excitement/fear, confusing love and pity (loving people to rescue them), becoming "para-alcoholic" (using control or other compulsions to cope), and being a "reactor rather than an actor" (lacking agency).

IV. Concepts, Resources, and Conclusion

• Key ACA Concepts: Scott introduces the Inner Child (hurt-self), the Loving Parent (healthy internal voice/God's re-parenting), and the Critical Parent (internalized shaming voice).
• Key Literature: Briefly mentions the Big Red Book and the Yellow Workbook as key ACA resources.
• Finding Help and Community: Encourages listeners to find support through:
  • ACA/ACOA Groups: Find virtual and in-person meetings at adultchildren.org. Father Sean notes the helpful filters for various needs.
  • Catholic in Recovery: Mentions that Catholic in Recovery offers a community and virtual meetings for those from dysfunctional homes, integrating the Catholic faith.
• Conclusion and Next Steps: Scott invites listener feedback on their ACA recovery journey and questions for a potential follow-up episode.
• Final Farewell and Blessing: The hosts conclude with a final blessing.