In this podcast episode, Scott Weeman and Father Sean Kilcawley discuss Father Sean's recovery journey. Father Sean shares his struggles with addiction, his path to sobriety, and the role of faith and community in his healing process. The conversation also touches on the distinctions between sobriety in a 12-step program and the Catholic understanding of chastity, offering insights into personal growth and spiritual conversion.

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I. Introduction

• Welcome and Topic Introduction: Scott Weeman and Father Sean Kilcawley welcome listeners to the Catholic in Recovery podcast. Scott mentions that in the previous episode he shared his story, and in this episode, Father Sean will share his recovery journey.
• Music and Production Credits: Scott thanks Ivy Jacob (Bassanova) and Aisling Fuller for the intro and outro music.
• Opening Question: Scott asks Father Sean, "What's really going on?"

II. Personal Check-ins

• Father Sean Kilcawley's Update: Father Sean discusses the end of the first semester at St. Patrick's, upcoming travel to Kansas City for a My House intensive workshop, and a previous trip to Fall River, Massachusetts, for clergy education days. He reflects on the healing and conversion happening among seminarians in recovery.
• Scott Weeman's Update: Scott shares about being at St. Patrick's Seminary in Menlo Park, a retreat weekend at the Val Ambrosa Center, attending a Catholic in Recovery meeting, and a San Francisco 49ers game. He also mentions speaking at a guest house treatment center for priests and clergy, and an upcoming road trip with his family for a Catholic in Recovery retreat in Jensen Beach, Florida, and a visit to Universal Studios in Orlando.

III. Father Sean's Recovery Story

• Early Life and Family: Father Sean describes growing up as "the good kid" and early exposure to pornography at ages 11 and 14, leading to preoccupation. He notes a theme of seeking validation through relationships with girls.
• College and Escalation of Addiction: Addiction took root in college, particularly around his parents' divorce. He developed a daily pornography and masturbation habit at a military academy, which escalated to other acting out behaviors. He didn't initially identify as having an addiction but received hints from others about his drinking.
• Seminary and Continued Struggles: At 25, feeling miserable and out of control, he entered the seminary with mixed motives, hoping it would fix his life. He continued to struggle, experiencing a relapse in his second year after nine months of freedom.
• Ordination and Escalation: His father's cancer diagnosis led to a regression to 13-year-old behaviors of keeping secrets. He wondered if he should be ordained, but trusted priests thought the problem would go away. After his father's death, his acting out behaviors escalated in time and intensity.
• Seeking Help in Rome: After asking the Bishop to go back into the army, he was sent to Rome for grad school, hoping a change of scenery would help, but found a new rabbit hole of pornography. He carried unresolved grief and family-of-origin issues.
• Counseling and Breakthrough: In 2012, he sought help from Bishop Bruskowitz and entered a counseling program for priests. He experienced significant healing, particularly through a prayer experience connected to a childhood memory of a woman who was his babysitter after his mother's death from cervical cancer.
• DUI and Guest House: During counseling, he over-drank at a class reunion, tried to drive home, and was arrested for a DUI. He was sent to Guest House for 30 days, diagnosed as a problem drinker, and introduced to 12-step work, including Al-Anon meetings, which he found profoundly helpful.
• Finding a Sponsor and Long-Term Sobriety: He continued to struggle with sexual addiction and eventually found a sponsor in another state who was "caring and firm" and helped him overcome his "smart religious addict" tendencies, leading to long-term sobriety.
• Alcohol Sobriety: In 2019, his relationship with alcohol changed. He experienced intense cravings after a couple of drinks and realized he needed to quit entirely, which he did on St. Patrick's Day 2019.
• ACA Recovery: He discusses his experience with ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) recovery, primarily through literature and a workshop on overcoming enmeshment, which helped him recognize and address family-of-origin dynamics and his tendency to feel responsible for things that weren't his.
• Maintaining Sobriety and Growth: He describes maintaining sobriety as "falling in love" with God and continuously giving more of his heart. He acknowledges the loneliness of his unique position in recovery and the ongoing process of healing. He emphasizes that God is relentless and works slowly, leading to joy he didn't know was possible.
• Penetrating the "Smart Religious Nature": He needed someone to be direct and clear with him after a relapse, telling him that if he couldn't get through a hard day without relapsing, he had a problem. This directness led to genuine repentance and more efficacious confessions.
• Amends to his Father: He realized his deceased father had attempted to make amends to him. His amends process involved allowing himself to be angry, expressing it, and then forgiving his father, which took time and trips to the cemetery.

IV. Listener Question and Discussion

• Question from a Priest: A Catholic priest, new to SA recovery, asks about the differences between sobriety according to the SA definition and chastity within a Catholic understanding, and how this should inform sharing with a sponsor or group participation.
• Father Sean's Response: He explains that the SA definition of sobriety is very strict ("no sex with anyone except for my wife, including myself"), which aligns with the Catholic understanding of chastity for celibate, single, or married individuals. He recommends SA for Catholics due to this clear definition. He distinguishes between sobriety (continence) and recovery (living chastity with love and joy).
• Priests in SA Meetings: Father Sean hasn't heard of discord regarding priests in SA meetings and advises priests to attend without their collar and use their first name. He notes that sometimes parishioners may be present, and the meetings maintain boundaries. He also mentions that ACOA meetings can be more reactive to clergy due to past wounds, and that it's common to hear resentments against the Church in recovery meetings, which can help individuals examine themselves.

V. Conclusion

• Final Thoughts: Scott expresses appreciation for Father Sean's sharing and wisdom.
• Call to Action: Scott encourages listeners to submit questions to podcast@catholicinrecovery.com.
• Farewell: Scott and Father Sean say goodbye.