In this episode of the Catholic in Recovery Podcast, Scott Weeman and Father Sean Kilcawley discuss the vital role of boundaries in fostering healthy relationships within recovery, emphasizing that these boundaries are crucial for protecting sobriety, mental health, and spiritual growth, especially for those who come from backgrounds where boundaries were often absent. They highlight that setting boundaries, though challenging, allows individuals to prioritize their recovery and say "yes" to what truly matters. The episode also delves into common boundary challenges, the impact of trauma and codependency, and offers practical advice on setting and maintaining boundaries, while relying on faith and the sacraments for strength.

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I. Introduction

• Welcome and Topic Introduction: Scott Weeman and Father Sean Kilcawley welcome listeners and introduce the episode's theme: boundaries and healthy relationships in recovery, emphasizing their role in building relationships rooted in mutual respect, love, and freedom. They acknowledge that many in recovery need to relearn boundary-setting skills due to past experiences.
• Music and Production Credits: Scott thanks I.B. Jacob (Bassanova) and Aisling Fuller for intro/outro music, and Jenna Bittler for editing and production.

II. Personal Check-ins

• Father Sean Kilcawley's Update: Father Sean shares his experience attending a 49ers preseason game and the ongoing process of setting boundaries in his new seminary role, expressing gratitude for his current life circumstances.
• Scott Weeman's Update: Scott discusses hosting a joint birthday party for his three children, enjoying VBS songs, and celebrating a friend's 20th sobriety anniversary. He also mentions an upcoming trip to Rome for an ecological initiative opening at the papal residency.

III. The Importance of Boundaries in Recovery

• Purpose of Boundaries: Father Sean emphasizes that boundaries allow individuals to say "yes" to what truly matters, particularly their own recovery, by prioritizing commitments to themselves.
• Protecting Recovery: Scott explains that boundaries protect sobriety, mental health, and spiritual growth, preventing relationships from becoming codependent, toxic, or enabling. He uses the analogy of a fence and gate around a house to illustrate healthy boundaries.
• Saying "Yes" and "No": They discuss the challenge of saying no out of fear and the importance of making one's "yes" truly mean yes, to protect the new life built in recovery.

IV. Common Boundary Challenges

• Difficulty Saying No: The hosts explore the struggle to decline requests due to fear of rejection or guilt, contrasting their personal tendencies (Scott's initial "yes" vs. his wife's initial "no").
• Codependency and Oversharing: They address feeling responsible for others' emotions and choices, defining codependency as a distorted way of relating. They also discuss oversharing too early in relationships and staying in unhealthy relationships.
• Impact of Trauma and Family Dysfunction: Father Sean uses the analogy of a "hole in the fence" to describe how trauma can complicate boundaries. They discuss how past violations can make it difficult to say no and how people with poor boundaries may struggle with those who have healthy ones.

V. Setting and Maintaining Boundaries

• Practical How-To's: Scott suggests starting with small, clear boundaries in safe relationships (e.g., time limits for calls) and using "I" statements instead of blaming.
• Spiritual Tools: They emphasize praying for courage and humility to listen, and practicing boundary setting in community (with sponsors, therapists, spiritual directors).
• Reliance on Faith: Father Sean highlights that a secure relationship with God provides the freedom to assert and reinforce boundaries, knowing one will be okay. He suggests using the examination of conscience to reflect on boundary adherence and sees "fudging" on boundaries as a signal of internal distress.

VI. Boundaries Tested and Priests in Recovery

• Expected Pushback: The hosts discuss how setting new boundaries can lead to pushback from those accustomed to old patterns and the importance of recognizing emotional triggers when boundaries are crossed.
• Reassessment and Adjustment: They advise prudently reassessing and adjusting boundaries over time, as individuals gain more tools and stability in recovery.
• Supporting Priests in Recovery: In a mailbag question, Father Sean advises treating priests in recovery normally, affirming their efforts towards health and holiness without putting them on a pedestal or hunting for their struggles. He emphasizes noticing when they seem "off" and offering support without being accusatory.

VII. Conclusion

• Final Encouragement: Scott encourages listeners to start small with boundaries, recognizing they are learned over time and are "gates that let love in and protect what's sacred."
• Announcements: Scott promotes the first virtual Catholic Addiction Recovery Summit on Friday, September 26th, a day of hope and healing in partnership with I Thirst Initiative.
• Closing Prayer: Father Sean offers a blessing, asking for God's strength for listeners to love well and safeguard their hearts through a secure relationship with Him.