June 10, 2020 at 6:14 pm #2264Jace LeeParticipant
My Friends In Christ Jesus:
Today, I come before you not only as a sinner, but also as an addict. I fell into drug addiction and my drug of choice was Methamphetamines. A powerful mistress. I often ask myself ‘How could I allow myself to fall so very low?’. The answer is easy: I had lost my dedication in Christ Jesus. Lost comfourt in His mercy. Took despair in my sufferings. Even I had temporarily denied His existence.
My troubles all started a the age of 19. I was at that time in discernment for the Priesthood. I remember one day sitting at the dinner table in my house, filling out the forms to enroll into the seminary for the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter, which is a Latin Mass Ordinariate.
I was filling out the paperwork when Satan whispered into my ear that I knew I couldn’t keep the vow of Celibacy. I liked to have sex and liked to drink and smoke weed. So, it was that day I put my pen away and turned my back on my vocation. Little did I know that THAT DAY, that THAT ACTION, would at age 45 culminate into hitting rock bottom.
I recently in March of 2020 was arrested for disturbing the peace in a domestic setting. I had been coming down off of the methamphetamines and had been verbally abusive to my mother for the final time. The neighbours had summoned the Pima County Sheriff’s Department as the neighbours were under the erroneous impression that I had physically thrown my mother and rightly called the police. I am GRATEFUL not only for the fact that they were looking out for my mother, but also because of their action I was FORCED to get the help that I required and for so long had refused to engage in.
After my 12 hrs in the Pima County, AZ jail I was remanded to a level 1 psychiatric and detox centre. I was there for a week. However it was there that I formed an attachment to three of my fellow patients. Inside we had bonded as a family. We ate together. Had recreation together, and even prayed together.
I had entered the hospital with a knee injury that put me into a wheelchair for that week that I was in hospital. These three people pushed me around in my wheelchair and saw after my various needs. Took good care of me. Then came release day.
I had made prior plans with one of the people to actually leave with them and live in their car, rather than live on the street with a severe knee injury that would have left me vulnerable to violence. So thus I did. Little did I know that I was making another grievous error. YOU NEVER LEAVE DETOX FACILITY WITH OTHER PATIENTS.
Within a week, the person I left with and whom I mistakenly thought to be of good character had introduced me to another drug: Cocaine. A new and even more powerful mistress.
In a course of 2 moths, I smoked, snorted and injected enough cocaine to fell a herd of elephants. Half ounces a day. Blood pressure of 280/130. I ate only 5 meals in 2 months. I engaged in so much illicit activity it was starting to effect my spirit. I was eventually ready to commit the Unforgivable sin of committing suicide and throwing away the precious life that Our Saviour Christ died upon the Cross to redeem.
I had my suicide kit ready. A syringe, which I was going to fill with air and inject into my vein causing a massive coronary embolism which was going to kill me in less than a minute.
I happened to look up and saw my Rosary Beads. I was at that moment when I LITERALLY heard the voice of Mary our Mother tell me “Pick up your Rosary my Child and PRAY FOR YOUR LIFE”.
I did so. Tears streaming down from both eyes with each Hail Mary I said. When I ended my Meditations I could feel my hand moving to the phone as if the Holy Ghost was the one using my hand, and I called the SAME Level 1 facility I had left exactly two months to the day prior.
I checked myself into detox. Then, my new life began. Began with daily recitation of the Holy Rosary. Dwelling upon and yearning yearning to reunite myself with Our Lord in the Eucharist.
I was very nervous come release day. I didn’t feel as if I had a safe place to go, and that the place where they were wanting to send me was a disaster in waiting. I had NO CLUE that they were sending me straight to reunification with the Church and Her Sacraments by sending me to a Christian Recovery Home. Tender Loving Care.
While not everyone who lives in the home is as dedicated to sobriety or the Lord as I am, it is the Staff here that makes the difference. Within hours of being here I could feel my burdens lightening.
My first day here I Googled ‘Catholic Churches Near Me’, and contacted a Anglican Ordinariate parish. The Pastor immediately responded to my email and arranged to pick me up for early Confession that Sunday followed by Mass.
How fitting was it that my return to Holy Mother Church should occur on the Solmenity of Pentecost (Whitsunday)! As I made my confession, the Father asked me if I knew what my most grievous sin was. I said no. He told me that my most grievous sin was how HARD I HAD BEEN BEATING MYSELF UP OVER MY ADDICTION and said that I had suffered enough. My penance was for me to continue reciting the daily Rosary and to start a Rosary Group. I made a GOOD CONFESSION, and felt the state of Grace return to my soul. I have a clean slate in the eyes of the Lord.
I finally reunited myself that day Sacramentally with Jesus in Confession and the Holy Eucharist. As the Host was placed on my tongue I literally had tears streaming down my face and felt the Power of the Blessed Sacrament wash me clean. Outward sign of an Inward Grace. I love Jesus Present in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, for me there is NO HIGHER LOVE.
Since that day I have recited daily Rosary, and have even taken up my prior practise of reciting The Office of the Hours, AKA ‘The Roman Brieviary’. I openly minister to everyone and anyone I meet. I propagate the Holy Rosary as the BEST WEAPON against Vice. I pray to St. Michael the Archangel to daily ‘Defend me in battle.’ I attend weekly Confession and Mass.
By Gd and His Grace I was able to reunite a housemate to the Sacraments after his twenty year separation from Grace, and I had tears in my eyes for him as I watched him kneel at the Communion Rail and receive Jesus Real and True Presence in the Blessed Sacrament.
My friends, it was my Catholic Faith that became my Salvation and Liberation from two powerful drug mistresses. I am once again in discernment for the Holy Priesthood, and this time I fully recognise that the Holy Ghost is in the drivers seat…not me.
Let Our Blessed Mother change you and mold your desires and to strive and yearn for Holiness! “Turn then, Most Gracious Advocate, thine eyes of Mercy towards us so that after this our exile you may show unto us the Blessed Fruit of thy womb, Jesus’. -from the Salve Raegina prayer.
May the Peace of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Love of God, and the Fellowship of the Holy Ghost be with you all!
THROUGH CHRIST JESUS AND MARY,
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.